Coals to Newcastle

As I write this, I am literally engaged in an online conversation with a friend of someone I am incredibly fond of!

Talk about being raked over the coals!

I'm in mid-exchange with a man who is wonderfully protective of his friend. I have to admit, for this particular 'someone', I would be just the same. And you all know I won't suffer fools.

But I can't help think (and feel) that although my co-converser and I are the same age, give or take a few months, that the cultural differences between our yank cousins and ourselves are as vast today as they have ever been.

In many ways, I feel as if I'm back in the school yard. It all feels a little juvenile. Now I'm not saying that this person is juvenile, far from it. He's a very intelligent fellow from what I've gleamed out of the dialogue so far.

What I'm really getting at is how we each perceive the meaning of 'communucation' and just how deep we will allow the levels of said communication to penetrate. And I'm not applying this to all Yanks; or maybe it should be confederates in this case (need to check that geographically with him); and especially the one who is rapidly taking up a lot of my feeling and thinking time. He is quite the opposite to most Americans I have met. He is very open to communication, and with a little gentle nudging, will let it all out and not feel any shame for it. I applaud him for that and it only serves to make him dearer to me.

As a generalisation, and this is an area I don't like getting into as I much prefer fact; but on the whole I do find that most Americans pay lip service to the very spirit of 'communication'. It's all well and good mouthing the words, but I rarely feel they have the sentiment and belief that should be behind it. There is a tendancy for them to talk "at" you rather than "with" you. And lets face it, they're famous for spending years in therapy going over the same old subject time and time again without resolution. What a waste of time, energy and money!!!

So it begs me to ask, whilst this one is giving me the virtual version of the Spanish Inquisition, and I'm learning things about him he is subconciously giving away, is he actually fulfilling his goals and learning anything about me?

Tolerance

I think todays blog is 'part two' in relation to what I wrote for the blog entitled "Spring Cleaning" below.

I don't want people to think I'm intolerant or unable to forgive; in fact it's quite the opposite. I am exceptionally open-minded and very happy to forgive and move on in so many aspects of my own life. I just wanted to state that any decisions I've made about cleaning house have never been done in temper or without lots of due consideration.

So that's where I need, in some ways, to backtrack a little too. Because I don't want anyone else to make the mistake of acting rashly and jumping into things without ever having thought through the consequences.

We should never make these decisions to clean house unless we're able to truly live our lives without these influences. I know from my own experiences these are things I've always paid most attention to and as a result, I also know that the decision rests solely on the fact of how it should benefit me. Now anyone reading will think that's a selfish statement; and to some degree it is. After all, the intention here is to improve our own surroundings and our own mental health.

But consideration also needs to be given to the person on the receiving end. If we must clean house, then let us do it respectfully, with kindness and generosity. Be constructive, clarify your intentions and be kind.

But most of all, be yourself.

I Just Cleaned House

Well, well, well!

Sometimes I surprise myself and take heed of my own advice!

I just cleaned house and threw out one piece of that emotional garbage I spoke of earlier.

Seems I can talk sense, even if I am the only one who is listening!

And guess what, it feels great.

Spring Cleaning

Before you proceed, let me warn you; this is not an anti-Bush statement today. Although I love to spread hatred and abhorrence for this sorry excuse for a Human Being (Human! That's a joke in itself!) and his actions, the cartoon directly relates to the question someone close to me wants to explore.

No, where I'm going today is the actions of others. The detritus of emotional baggage that they leave in their wake and, last but not least whether they have a modicum of emotional intelligence to realise what they have done or if they truly are senseless and selfish enough to believe that their actions are (a) inconsequential, or (b) justified.

I suppose there are those people who are so self absorbed that they fail to be aware of what goes on around them unless it has a direct personal effect. We've all met these kind of people. The ones who breeze effortlessly through life, appear to have no cares in the world and no cares for others to boot.

But then there is a second type. Those who steam-roller through life leaving as much destruction and harm behind them as possible. God only knows what they've experienced somewhere in their personal history in order for them to become so bitter and so twisted that the only idea of happiness they know is to have everyone around them feeling as dejected, hateful and cynical as they are.

So my question today, or rather what I'd like to ponder, is Ownership.

We should all take responsibility for our actions, and within that, ownership of anything we do that may directly affect another person or persons. If you've made someone feel happy, no matter for how short a period, then be proud. But if we've directly or indirectly hurt a person, then take ownership and deal with it. Start with an apology, work out where you went wrong and why, then fix it. And try to make sure you don't trip up on the same thing again. The true apology comes when the person who was hurt is able to see that you're making the effort to not repeat offend.

But then there is a question we need to ask ourselves when we're faced with the people who actually choose to hurt others. Are they responsible for their own actions? If no one has stopped them from behaving in such ways or challenged their behaviour, then just who is responsible or who should take ownership? Is it the aggressor, who knows no different? Or is it the victim, who recongnises the problem but never tackles or challenges these actions and therefore allows them to persist?

The question is of course subjective. We can only see into and question ourselves, assumptions are after all, an emotional minefield. It's pointless trying to work out what's going on with someone else unless you really take time to know them, and then you could still be a million miles off mark. But when we're faced with another persons actions, for whatever reason, sometimes it's best to walk away and try hard to not be affected by it.

So when you're doing the Spring cleaning this year, why not just throw out this particular piece of emotional trash too.

Hmm! Maybe Dubya should read this after all!

Sisters on (blue)Grass

Check out this fantastic new video by Hayseed Dixie doing a Scissor Sisters cover of 'I don't feel like dancing' and see if you don't at least tap your foot!

The new album and single are relased on 9 April 2007, more info at their website in the link!